My Anxiety

My anxiety.

I thought I was managing it. I was fine.

I lived with a nearly constant feeling of urgency. I always felt like I was in a rush. I often could not shake that feeling even in times of rest. My nerves felt on edge all day. Chest pains would come and go.

But I thought I was fine.

I’d wake up many mornings with dread in my soul. My brain would search for the cause, and if I remembered that thing had been resolved, my brain would search for something else until it found something to worry about.

But I thought I was fine.

Often I’d go through the motions as a good mom, wife, employee but felt like a walking zombie.

But I thought I was fine.

I had intrusive thoughts. When bad things happened, I would get stuck on worry loops. I’d catastrophize even the most minute of situations. Sometimes the bigger things would worry me so much I had what I guess was a type of panic attack where the fear coursed through my body, and all I could do was lie in bed with my looping, catastrophic thoughts, eventually exhausting myself to sleep.

But I thought I was fine.

When anxiety feelings became more and more constant (nearly 24/7), and when the panic was washing over me all too frequently, I started to realize I needed to get help. Maybe I wasn’t managing as well as I thought I was. Maybe it just wasn’t enough for me.

So I sought out therapy and talked to my doctor about medication. I was very much afraid to try it, and I didn’t want to have to rely on it, but it seems to be exactly what I needed.

I feel so much better. Lighter. Happier.

It’s not that I wasn’t happy before. It’s just that I wasn’t able to enjoy my happiness.

My mental baseline changed. Where I used to feel like I was stumbling along a treacherous path each day, I feel like I’m walking on solid ground now. I therefore have the strength and mental capacity to handle rocky spans as they come.

Of course, it wasn’t until I felt better that I realized just how bad things had been.

Now I’m better than fine – I feel truly wonderful.

I wish I had gotten help sooner, but I give myself grace for that. I didn’t know what I didn’t know. I’m just thankful to feel better now.

Dear reader, I choose to be transparent about my struggles in hopes of normalizing anxiety, depression, therapy, and medication. If you find yourself with similar struggles, there is NO SHAME in it. Please understand it’s not because you’re doing anything wrong. But I do encourage you to seek some professional help. It may not be as scary or as difficult as you think. My primary care physician was able to prescribe me medication via a telehealth appointment. It took a couple of tries, but we found the right medication and dose for my needs, and I feel like myself again. Please prioritize yourself and your mental health because YOU ARE WORTH IT.

Anxiety statistics:

More than 1 in 4 American adults have symptoms of an anxiety disorder (23.5% of men and 30.8% of women)

41.7% of young adults (ages 18-29) suffer from anxiety

Over 301 million people suffer from anxiety worldwide

For more anxiety statistics, information, and support, please click here:
Anxiety Statistics & Facts (2023) – CFAH